


every night has a day

by efflcrescence



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Apologies, Constellations, M/M, One Shot, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-23
Updated: 2018-08-23
Packaged: 2019-07-01 13:50:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,040
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15775374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/efflcrescence/pseuds/efflcrescence
Summary: “You were always my Gemini and even when you left, it still felt like you were here with me..."





	every night has a day

**Author's Note:**

> this piece means a lot to me. anyways, enjoy (:

Phil Lester was so caught up in his own mind and sadly he could never yell ‘goodbye’ and run miles away to hide from it because the depths of the very ominous and gloomy place always held him tightly at the very bottom.

It was exhausting.

The place called his mind, where the most haunting things could’ve become real. Where something fictional was convincing the poor boy to listen, to believe, to get done.

And he was so fragile to continue his life like this because the voices were softly whispering that this world isn’t for him, that there’s another place where things are so much better.

And by each day, he only trusted them more and more.

Nothing was stopping him from finally doing what they wanted when he opened his balcony door that night and stood outside, his body a bit shook up from the cold autumn breeze, whilst admiring his favorite constellation that was always there for him to take care of those red and teary eyes or the lines a small pocket knife created on his skin under his black sweater.

Gemini.

And as much as he knew the next thing he wants to do will make the stars so disappointed in him, there was, in fact, no other option.

The unbelievably broken boy just wanted to finally leave the pain he had to put many band-aids made of romanticized reality on for his entire life behind.

Unfortunately, this was the last straw.

“I loved you so much and I’m so, so sorry. If I’m not forgiven for this, just know I’m more than okay with that,” his voice cracked as the reflection of starlets were being seen in tears that were slowly streaming down his pale face. A one that held the exact expression of a poor soul who was stomped on and crushed by life.

Those were his final words to the stars. Then he extended his leg and hung it over the balcony fence.

His hands were shaking so much and his rapidly beating heart sounded similar to the loud bass he had to listen to every single day because the local clubs just never shut up.

Phil Lester’s mind was going insane, he wanted to throw up, the boy’s mind was screaming at him, he was shaking, he suddenly felt like the lightest feather yet like the whole world was on his shoulders.

It was so loud. He couldn’t make it out, but it was a lot of pressure. Like never before. A totally new feeling that he perhaps didn’t want.

He just didn’t know he needed it.

Because all of a sudden, there was no cold air making him shiver. There wasn’t even the fear, the emptiness, the usual emotions that would block the way to do literally anything.

Only the scent of peach, tears being soaked into his woolen sweater, feeling of the most comfortable warmth in the world and two arms making sure that he’ll never try to leave the universe alone again.

And when the bloodshot bright blue eyes met a pair of bloodshot dark brown eyes, they immediately knew that they are actually not alone in this whole world full of pain and even more pain.

Dan Howell screamed so many _sorry’s_ , so many _Phil, please don’t’s_ and it paid off well.

Because now he’s having someone, whose heart he unwillingly broke, in his arms while caressing his head and tearing up in silence himself because it all feels so surreal.

He gently moved a little strand of Phil’s hair away and whispered _I love you_ to the sobbing mess that he still loved so, so fucking much. When he saw him trying too desperately to escape life, it felt as if his own life crumbled at the horrible sight.

“You don’t deserve any of the bullshit you’ve been through, I know I am the major reason to your current state and I want you to know that there wasn’t a fucking day when I didn’t think of you and that I’m so sorry. So fucking sorry. I love you. So fucking much.”

And he hugged him even tighter, he placed kisses on every spot on his head possible, he wiped Phil’s and his own tears away until his sleeves were dripping.

But even if the atmosphere surrounding them was the equivalent of the word ‘sorrow’, they both still felt their heartbeat adding on its speed.

What they once had seemed to have never disappeared. And that felt so, so good.

“I was talking to the stars before wanting to jump down,” Phil choked a little on his words, but managed to continue, “to a constellation. Gemini.”

Dan never looked somewhere else than into Phil’s eyes.

“You were always my Gemini and even when you left, it still felt like you were here with me. Every single night, I went outside and waited for constellations to show up, more specifically for you. And this feels so crazy now that I can touch you again and talk to you without making up the answers in my head.”

And that made the biggest and saddest smile on Dan’s face at the same time, so he placed his lips onto Phil’s as an attempt to make him smile too. And hell, did that feel good to be able to do that again after a whole year of so many unspoken wishes and black and white world.

When the broken boy finally got to feel the warmth of the broken piece of his heart gluing back to its original place and his fingers getting lost in Dan’s curls, the city suddenly started cheering very loudly.

Dan and Phil pulled back from the kiss and looked at each other in confusion.

As the first firework showed up in the dark sky, they both understood.

They both understood that even if life seems permanently hopeless and unstable, it’s actually not, because every day has a night and every night has a day. That’s how it is, how it’s been and how it will be.

And so a broken Aquarius pulled closer and kissed his Gemini again in front of shining stars and the most beautiful performance of many rainbow colors and loud noises.


End file.
